Infinite Space

May 22, 2014

 

 

When I’m flying, one of my favourite things to do is to read the in-flight shopping perfume ads. Perfume is a tough sell in print–I always imagine it’s some poor, drunk copywriter sitting in a dark, smoky, unkempt room who can’t get work doing anything else (his small poetry compilation did poorly) who has to write them. His phone will ring he’ll pick it up, some bored intern from the perfume conglomerate will read out a list of ingredients and he’ll hack out some hyperbolic description on a rusty old typewriter while he chugs a bottle of warm whiskey with a cigarette butt inside.

Something like:

Top notes of gentle jasmine mingle playfully with a smoky woody base of burnt oak and umber. A rush of citrus and watermelon follow through, reminding you of summer days of leisure and fun with your friends and family. Truly, a scent for the season that will bring out the active, dynamic side of the modern woman.

I didn’t really expect to come across hyperbole on something as banal as the HDB description for a 3-room flat, though:

Infinite Space

Really, HDB? “infinite space”?

Maybe if by “clever touches”, you mean “become a Time Lord” and renovate your little HDB flat such that it’s internal spacetime exists on a separate dimensionality from the rest of the universe. I suspect even Phua Chu Kang, best in Singapore and even JB might find that a difficult job.

Clever touches don’t need to extend to your wardrobe

Curry Trees

May 2, 2014

I had no idea there were actual Curry Trees, the leaves of which are (sometimes) used in making curry.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curry_tree

Squid Soap

October 25, 2007

Squid Soap. It’s soap that contains a small amount of vegetable dye on it that can be (relatively) easily washed off with water that this company is touting as an educational tool to teach kids how to wash their hands properly.

Personally, I feel its a little silly and you’d be better off hovering over your kids whilst they wash their hands, a big stick in your hands and a menacing sneer on your face. Personally, I learnt to wash my hands properly from watching that scene in Macbeth where Lady Macbeth washes her hands repeatedly and I thought she was so cool and counter-culture. But the website is so bright and colourful and the mascot so cute it did bring a smile to my eyes (I guess Lady Macbeth wouldn’t have been such a good choice – Macbeth Soap! Tech your kids the importance of washing their hands properly!).

Am thinking of buying a bottle for fellow programmer colleagues, whom I have noticed have poor hand-washing habits, which would not normally bother me, except that they then come over to my cubicle and, whilst demonstrating some code-failure, use my mouse and keyboard.

Send back the lead

October 16, 2007

Nanyang schools collecting Barbie dolls for children in China – Channel NewsAsia

I must say, when I saw the article header the first thing that came to my mind was that it was some kind of terrible protest action against China’s poor quality control regulations–in an ironic twist, ship a bunch of lead-lined toys to kids in China and see how those Chinese parents like it.

That would have been a much more interesting read than the altruistic programme described in the article.

Wikipedia obviousnesses

October 11, 2007

From the Wikipedia article on Castration.

Castration prevents male pattern baldness if it is done before hair is lost, however, castration will not restore hair growth after hair has already been lost due to male pattern baldness.

And the punchline:

Castration is never recommended by medical doctors as a way to prevent or treat hair loss.

Why anyone had to put that in is beyond me.

Quoted from Wikipedia article about the bitter melon.

In one preliminary clinical trial, an enema form of a bitter melon extract showed some benefits in people infected with HIV (Zhang 1992). Clearly more research is necessary before this could be recommended.

Bunnies

September 22, 2007

Sometimes people make reference to rabbits wrongfully, and I always feel it is my duty to correct them.

In the case of a Singaporean, it is most probably wrong to say that something will last as long as an Energizer Bunny. That is because Singaporeans have probably never seen the Energizer Bunny on television. The confusion stems from the fact that BOTH Duracell and Energizer, battery rivals, used bunnies as mascots.

Duracell’s bunny came first, as a cuddly little collector’s item and which most Singaporeans will remember seeing trotting along to some irritating tune. Energizer, however, also had a bunny as a mascot, though it was produced primarily as a parody of Duracell’s by-then already popular ads:

Duracell Bunny

Energizer Bunny

In Singapore, we have instead a musclebound anthropomorphic battery that serves as Energizer’s mascot, no doubt the result of a marketing team full of homosexuals with disturbing sexual deviancies.

musclebattery.JPG

Just so you know.

Bad Rap

September 8, 2007

So when I was in France I remember seeing a lot of Michaël Youn–better known as Fatal Bazooka–on MTV, almost once every couple of songs or so. At the time, I thought it was rather strange that a middle-aged, slightly-overweight white French rapper could ever attain so much fame, until I paid somewhat more attention (MTV is more background-noise for me than actual entertainment) and I realized he was actually doing parodies. Par example, below is a clip of his music video for a rap called “J’aime trop ton boule”, which means “I love your ass too much”, which looks normal (if that is what can be said about our post-freedom-of-sexual-expression society) until about the second minute of the clip. (You don’t have to understand French to get the joke, it’s rather blatant.)

I guess it says something about the state of Rap that this guy actually gets primetime spots on MTV, and now there’s Schaffer the DarkLord (aka STD) on YouTube’s front page. This one’s called “The Rappist”, which sounds weirder than it looks.

Good for one laugh.

For some reason, along on the YouTube related links, together with some of STD’s comedy clips there are a lot of Turkish music videos attributed to (I’m thinking) another Schaffer The Darklord and his The Rappis Serdar Dansöz. No rapping in these, just a lot of the correct kind of boule. I think some Turkish fans are in for a surprise.

What interns are for

August 14, 2007

Jacob’s builds biscuit sculpture in record-breaking attempt

I’m just wondering why just the “Singapore Book of Records” (I imagine it’s a rather small book). Why not Guinness? A search on the website shows no signs of any other record-breaking biscuit sculptures, buildings, or artificial structures of any kind, really.

Answer-it’s a publicity stunt that had to coincide with a slow-news-day, but the Guiness people need 3-4 weeks to process a claim.

Or perhaps even marketing staff know when stupid is too stupid.

Hot New Game!

August 3, 2007

The hottest new RPG on the market for the Sega Megadrive is out! It’s… Beggar Prince!!! Released in 2006 to hoardes of fans slavering for the console’s first commercial release in 8 years, Beggar Prince will surely not disappoint with it’s beautiful graphics and original gameplay!