April 24, 2003

Argh. Flopped about during my Numerical methods exam today. Horrible. Was so confdent to getting an A for at least this module, but ended up screwing the exam. Disappointed. On the other hand, though, the paper was really difficult, meaning that hopefully half the class fails (hehehe)… So I’m a selfish bastard. So shoot me.

4 more exams to go, and none of them trivial. Have decided I will give up on Maths and concentrate on statistical mechanics. Will probably need that more as I go on to do more difficult computational science stuff. But Math, O math… My understanding of the universe is limited not by my flawed intelligence at this moment, but more so due to my incredubly poor understanding of Math. O curse the day I decided to go into computaional science… Curse the day I was forced into taking a mth module offering no enjoyment, only the boredom of blind ingestion of knowledge…

But the exams aren’t the only reason I’ve been remiss in writing this time around… Writing a weblog, you soon discover that your ability to express yourself, even when trying hard to be true, is severely limited. there’s always something you never want anybody else to know about you, and this is most obvious for me when I write for a generic audience whom I will likely never know…

I read on skepdic that multiple personality disorder might actually be caused by the people researching it, and is not so much a manifestation of abuse. This might be because a personality is, after all, a social construct. Your ’self’ is probably a result of your own actions than thoseof others… Now, I’m not trusting anything on skepdic without a lot more to support the author’s claims (which is, after all, the whole point of being a skeptic), but this, if true, is really very scary for me. Explain more when I find out more. Heh.

April 16, 2003

There are the people who like to suffer in silence. They like to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, and often take up tasks no one else is willing to take. They endure suffering without so much of a complaint, and seem to be indifferent to abuse. These people are fine, usually. They can be of much use to society and, as such, are usually appreciated.

But when 2 such people get together in a relationship, therein lies a tragedy waiting to happen. For both will endure suffering without a word, and will always wonder what the other thinks. They never take off the masks which hide them, and never try to see beyond the other’s, content and self-indulgent in their own misery.

And yet, a travesty like this can also be called love.

April 14, 2003

I’m thinking of changing the site’s weblog system to use XML. Bit of a bother, though, since I’ll have to do up a parser and stuff. Heh. Insist on customisarion.

Revision, revision revision. All day long I do revision. Physics is finally starting to become somewhat difficult and complicated, enough to make me want to throw myself off a building sometimes. I have always thought of Biology as an infant science, since most of it’s ideas are still not quite as concrete as those of Physics. However, the recent modules I’m taking have shown me the infantile stages of Physics too… Where the theories are by no means constant, and the concepts are only acceptable by half the community.

Did poorly for a literature essay and forgot to go for a mid term. Urgh. My results this semester are going to drop like a stone. Why on earth I selected a major like Computational Physics is still a mystery to me. Doesn’t help that I’ve never een a mugger to start with…

SARS is becoming a pain. Students in NUS will be subject to health screenings before they are allowed into their exam halls. Which means we have to turn up an hour earlier to have someone prod us with thermometers before we enter. Bah.

It strikes me that SARS is an exeptionally well publicised disease. Even though the fatality rate is hardly as high as cancer, AIDS, tuberculosis and various other illnesses, it has been given so much media attention you can’t help but feel it’s more critical. And I am terrified, not so much of the disease, but at how easily manipulated we are.

April 8, 2003

My revision is going on too slowly for my liking. I have all but given up on Engineering Math and Electromagnetics. All too awful to comprehend and too much time required for to little grade improvement.

Recently in Singapore, the SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) outberak has everyone in a fluster about their physical well-being. I have seen for the first time, people walking about with face masks. One particular mother I saw walked about with a child in tow wearing one, whilst she herself remained unprotected. A valiant display of maternal love – and utter stupidity. Unless you mean to tell me you do not live in the same home as your children, I do not see the point of giving them protection against something that you yourself are vulnerable to and are likely to spread to them. As usual, intelligece is beaten by mindless automatic thinking.

The SARS has killed 9 people in Singapore to date, mostly the elderly and weak. The hubbuh about this is tremendous, but frankly, there are many more illnesses which kill just as easily and yet do not raise such an amount of media attention. I am only just realising how much modern society is shaped by the supposedly ‘true’ reporting of the media. So many people simply buy into whatever is reported without stopping to think for themselves. With the hundreds of analysts thinking for them, I suppose most feel there’s no need to trouble themselves.

On another media front, the war with Iraq is making waves too. It’s almost ridiculous the amount of coverage coming from what is supposed to be a war. Psychological warfare on the part of the United States? Perhaps. I’m personally not very concerned about the state of the Middle East, but it’s impossible not to know something, with reports and clips coming in every way you turn.

April 2, 2003

Whoohoo! It’s been forever since the last update, and no wonder, since I’ve been super busy with the new layout. I think it looks better than the previous… Exams are coming, but I’m still wasting my time doing frivolous things like this! Why? Heh. I must be going mad..